Uncertainty

“Spread love everywhere you go, let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.” Mother Teresa

The whispers of grey in my curls are a soft reminder of approaching middle age. Being 38 years old I am well aware 40 is around the corner. I do not know quite what to think about all that is ahead of me. As a twelve year old I could hardly wait for all the places I would go. Looking forward to menopause, teenagers, and retirement does not seem as exciting as your first kiss.
But I could be wrong.
The older ladies in my bible study seem to be happy, content, hope filled people. But I keep feeling this lurking sense of “I am no longer young.” In youth, I felt like I had permission to make mistakes. Youth was the time to fail big and fall flat on my face.
In two days, I will be handed the keys to my very first office space. A whole year of being financially responsible lies ahead…. am I ready for this? Until, six month ago, I was a stay at home mom. Derrick brought home the bacon and I prepared it. Then, I graduated with my MA in counseling and psychology and thought it would be a great idea to open a private practice. All the kids are school-aged, better to fail while I am young…. and then that feeling again…. am I young enough to fail again?

We all have moments of uncertainty; times in our life when the mountain looks too high. When we wonder if risk is too great. As I look at the humbling reality that most businesses fail in the first year, I remind myself of these three things….

I am not alone: One of the greatest encouragements in my life is the knowledge that other people are praying for me and thinking about me. When I take a leap of faith, it is cool to know the prayers and thoughts of others are walking right along side me into room of uncertainty. I am never alone. When hesitation and doubt creep into my mind, I have the love of others and my faith to keep me company.
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I am loveable and worthy: You know all those people who are praying and thinking, they will still love me even if I have to close the doors of my business. Not succeeding in life doesn’t make me unlovable, it just means, “That did not work out as well as I expected.” I am worthy and loveable just for being me. It does not matter how many times I fall flat on my face or how many mistakes I make, I am still a loveable and worthy person.
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I can always try again: Life is full of opportunities to fail again. Age is not an excuse for not trying. I may not feel as young as I once was but any age is a good age to have an adventure. Even if I had only six months to live I can choose how I want to spend my remaining days. There is always time to leave this world a little better than how I found it. Even if my business only stays open for a year, I still have the opportunity for each woman to leave a little better than when she came in. For me, that makes the risk worth it. .

Perhaps the better the question is: What do I do if I succeed?